Part IX

I also knew I'd better get over to Grandma and Grandpa's house soon so I could have a private talk with Grandma. I believe Eula took me over there because Mama was so pregnant and uncomfortable, and Daddy was busy again locked in his office.

I remember the conversation well.

I waited for Grandpa to take his walk and his evening smoke break outside with his buddies from the park, and I grabbed Grandma. "Grandma, I want to talk to you about something very important." I knew the tears were coming and they started burning my cheeks before I even realized I was crying. I tried to talk through a choked up, jumbled head full of things I needed to tell her.

I knew Grandpa would be outside until Grandma called him in for "supper" so I had time. I felt as if I might explode. I HAD to tell her so she could help me fix it.

Grandma was a very sweet woman, but she was nearly six feet tall, and for people that didn't know her well, she may have appeared to be considered gruff. She wasn't.

She was raised on a farm with many siblings, and many chores as soon as she could walk. Her Daddy was a Southern Baptist Preacher. Grandma was taught very early about the "Wrath of God" and "living right", and I had a feeling from how she talked about HER Mama that she was a lot like her. Sweet, loving, matter of fact and grieving. Even if she was smiling, she had sad eyes.

Grandma had told me months ago about her sister Grace that had died when she was three years old as a result of a fall from the loft of a barn. My sweet Grandma had lost a precious child too.

Jack was fourteen when he died as a result of a horrific accident at school he had one Saturday from a table saw. He was trying to earn the extra .25 cents the family needed. Jack lived several days after the accident, and my Grandparents were still in mourning from that awful time in the 1940's.

Jack's last school photo always hung on the living room wall in the house and everytime I looked at it I felt so sad. A constant reminder of a son they all loved dearly and lost so sadly. A son they would never get to see grow up.

I knew if Grandma could get through all the hard times she'd had, she could fix my problem and everything would be alright.

Grandma and I sat down at the tiny table in the crowded kitchen. I remember thinking, "She wants to sit here so we'll know if Grandpa starts to get up from his chair. " I was right. She occasionally glanced out the window that faced the side yard where he was sitting reading the paper and smoking his handmade cigarettes. All the men from the trailer park knew this was "Grandpa would be outside time", so they started to gather around, pulling up motel chairs. "Perfect," I thought.

I started blurting out about Mama crying too much , Daddy's office door being closed now when he went in there, Daddy didn't bring us presents anymore, Daddy yells at Mama sometimes when I'm trying to sleep, Mama begs him to lay down and go to sleep but he won't. I can't sleep because it gets loud sometimes, I want Daddy to smile at us again, Daddy didn't even talk to Jethro, .....every single thing I could think of. I spilled it all out. Then I panicked. I was worried now that when Grandma fixed it, Daddy would be mad at me for telling on him.

I saw Grandma's eye's look watery and said, "Grandma, did I make you CRY?!" Grandma always wore an apron in the daytime, so she took the corner of the apron and wiped her eyes. "No Baby, I don't have my glasses on right. I just need to wipe them off." She stood up and went to the sink, and then to the bathroom. A few minutes later, I was still nervously waiting at the table, and watching Grandpa outside smoking and talking to his friends." The coast was still clear...where WAS SHE?? Then I thought I heard the toilet and her blowing her nose at the same time. That was weird. A minute later she came back out and sat down. I studied her as close as I could. Her nose looked red, and her eyes too, but she was smiling. Okay, she's okay.

Grandma leaned up towards me and gave me a hug across the shoulder. "Kath-a-leen, sometimes married folk just have bad times. Your Grandpa and me have had a lot of bad times. We've been together a long time, and we get on each others nerves. That happens. That's why Grandpa likes to spend a lot of time outside. We all need our alone time. Everything will be okay. Grandma will talk to them, and they won't know you said a word." That was a huge relief. Grandma could make Daddy listen. He still said, "Yes ma'am and "Yes sir" to his parents and always listened to them. I requested one more favor from Grandma while Grandpa was still outside. "Grandma, would you call my Mama and see if she's okay?" Grandma squinted at me and answered, "Sure honey, I haven't talked to her today. This would be a good time while I finish supper. Now, why don't you go tell Ray, er...Grandpa that we need apples picked and some peaches if they're ripe. You take this bucket and help him okay?" I hugged her and knew she would fix everything.

Hugging her was soft and a little squishy, kind of like a blanket. Mama was so little that sometimes that hugging her tight made me worry she might break. I grabbed the bucket and went running out the door. Now I felt like helping Grandpa..I think I may have even skipped over to him. I waited until there was a silence, but that was never long, because the men didn't talk about "men things" in front of me. Grandpa was very strict with his friends about that.

Once I wandered a little too close and heard them discussing the daily paper. I heard one of the men say "rape" and being curious, I asked what that meant. I remember repeating it, and Grandpa's face turned all sorts of red. He shot a look at his friend, and cleared his throat. "It's a BAD WORD KATH-A-LEEN and a terrible terrible crime. Don't let me hear that word again from you, hear? It's not nice, not nice at all." Wow, that was my first time to be yelled at by Grandpa and I never forgot it. Now if I did hear anything, I pretended I didn't.

Grandpa was shorter than Grandma, and a little chubby in the stomach. He was always kind to me, but I never wanted him mad at me again. He got mad at Grandma sometimes, but she was bigger than him, so she'd yell right back and he'd disappear into another room or outside. "Grandpa, excuse me, but Grandma wants us to get apples and peaches." Grandpa looked puzzled, glanced at his watch, glanced at his friends and looked towards the kitchen window. Then he told his friends he'd be right back, "Kath-a-leen stay here a minute. I need to ask your Grandma somethin'."

HMMM.. this was awkward. I didn't know what to say to these old men if Grandpa wasn't there. I blurted out, "Mr. Taylor, you said we'd play horseshoes one day."

The old man looked at me and stammered, "Uh, that's right. I need to do that, don't I". Then dead silence. Thankfully, I saw Grandpa come out the back door, told the men goodbye as I was running to meet him. Grandpa was acting weird. He said. "yer Grandma changed her mind. We don't need any apples, so let's go see if anyone is playing horseshoes. I'll tell them (indictating the men in his yard) we're walkin' up there, and you put the bucket over there" he said pointing.

I put the bucket by the back steps, and ran back to Grandpa waiting at the gate leading to the orchard. The orchard also connected the trailer park to the short distance to their house. The men were in front of us walking towards their own homes. Good, I liked it when it was just us. Grandpa seemed a little impatient with me, but after a few minutes, he was himself again.

Maybe all that "man talk" got him in a bad mood. I didn't care, I'd just be quiet for a while. Grandma was going to fix things and I felt happy about that.

That night, Grandpa even put a little night light in the living room when we went to bed. Grandma's room was right off the living room and she slept with her door open. Grandpa didn't. I had finally hit the jackpot. I didn't care why he did it and if I had asked him he would have gotten embarrassed, so I didn't ask.

I remember thinking I'd ask Grandma when we got settled in the bed. I fell asleep so quickly I was surprised when morning came and I hadn't even woke up during the night.

It was a while before I would remember to ask again.

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