Part XIV

During this time in my life a lot of new and exciting things began. I was surrounded by cousins again and many new friends. Life was better.

Sheb and Bev Wooley had a daughter, Christy, who was Cindy's age and they became best friends. Those two were always together, but physically they were complete opposites. (Cindy with her dark skin, eyes and hair was a stark contrast to Christy's blonde hair, light skin and light blue eyes.) Christy was an only child and her playroom was filled with everything a little girl could want. They played together for hours, but I remember exploring outside by myself, fascinated with the horses and expansive land.

One day our family was visiting the Woolleys and I decided to explore on my own. I walked to the top of the hill behind their house and laid on the grass for what seemed like hours. I watched the clouds go by and imagined different animals, people, and creatures all formed by clouds. I did a lot of thinking that day, mostly about horses. I visualized myself becoming a famous rodeo star. I loved all the friends my parents had introduced into our lives and I loved my Daddy being home more often. Mama laughed more and dressed up again. That day stands out for me because I realized what was important to me, and in a childlike way, I was setting goals for the first time.

The Wooleys had a huge rambling split story house, a lot more rustic than ours, and it reminded me of an authentic ranch. Their home was an incredible and enormous place that was located in a slight valley surrounded by a wooden fence that seemed to go on forever. They lived about thirty minutes from us near Ojai. As you pulled into the driveway, they had cattle guards at each end of the drive. (A cattle guard is a series of wide round metal bars in the ground the width of the driveway. They're designed to keep horses and cattle from crossing so they can't get off the property if a section of fencing is down or a gate is left open.) They had several stables, a big tack room and fenced in pastures for the riding horses and a few heads of cattle. After meeting them, I was immediately addicted to watching Rawhide on television because of Sheb. Not only was Sheb a real movie star, he was a real cowboy!

When our driveway was paved, Dad had cattle guards placed in several areas of our long winding driveway. I had asked both parents over the years about them but never quite understood how or why they worked. We didn't have any big animals like horses or cows, so I didn't know why we had them. They were slick and difficult to walk over, so at our house they were more of a kid guard. I hoped with the guards in place the idea of owning a horse would be easier to realize with one less factor to worry about. Curley's crew had recently built this beautiful horse barn and stables down in our pastures below the house. Everything was ready to house a horse of our own.

I was pretty excited now that we had friends with horses. I had been learning to ride on weekends, and had started my campaign to get one of my own. Surprisingly, both parents said I could get a horse, and even asked Curley to "keep his eyes open for a good riding horse for the kids." One day Daddy said, "Curley is bringing something to put in our pasture." I was so excited I could hardly wait! I pictured a Pinto, a Palamino, even a pony. Whatever it was, I didn't care. Finally, Curly drove his big white horse trailer up to the gate that opened to the pasture below. Mama and us girls were standing up on the driveway looking down, and I could barely contain myself. Mama kept telling me not to get too excited. She knew how much I wanted a horse, so I didn't understand why she was trying to burst my bubble.

Curley flung open the door to the horse trailer, and I saw something brown start to back out. I had to squint, but I saw Daddy jump up on the fence and climb over to the driveway side. Why on earth would Daddy be afraid of a sweet horse? Then the "brown thing" backed out and it was a huge, ugly cow! I was horrified and completely devastated. I ran into the house and down the hall to fling myself dramatically onto my bed and cry my eyes out. Why did we have a stupid cow? I couldn't ride a cow! I didn't want to ride a cow! Were my parents kidding me, or was this a terrible mistake?

Mom came in a few minutes later and sat on the edge of my bed. "Honey, I told you not to get too excited. Curley is still looking for the perfect horse for us, but Daddy bought the cow because the man needed to sell it now." I couldn't believe it. I replied, "Mama, we don't need a cow. I want to ride a horse down there, and I'm afraid of cows. Why did Daddy do that?" I'm sure she tried to explain, but I don't remember hearing any of it. I think she gave up and said Dad would talk to me when Curley left. That night at the dinner table he explained that he bought it to keep for about a year. I didn't understand, but knowing that the creature was temporary somehow made it better.

Dad relieved my mind completely when he said some men would be coming soon to build another fence and gate that would keep the cow separate from the rest of the pasture. Okay, I could deal with that. Then he asked what we wanted to name it. None of us girls were happy about Dad's purchase because we liked going down to he pasture, so I'm not sure which one of us came up with it. It may have been me. After a quick vote, the ugly brown cow's name would be "Trouble".

It must have been summer time, because I was spending most of my time at the Lewis' house and also making my rounds to my Grandparents. Mom wanted me home more, but she also wanted me to learn how to ride horses in preparation for having one of my own. Daddy was traveling more again and I missed him badly. I wanted him to see what I was learning and I longed for his presence around the house.

I decided I would be the best horse rider and make him proud. I practiced constantly with Carol and Curley's horses, running barrels and learning all the techniques of Western riding. I spent the night with them often and all of us rode from the time we got up until dark. Sometimes we'd take a break by jumping in their above ground pool to cool off.

All three of their children were amazing on horses, as was Carol. They competed in the rodeo often and seemed to win every competition. I became close to Carol because she had so much patience and worked alone with me for hours. Curley was impatient with all children. He expected and demanded perfection with his children and his wife. He thought nothing of using a belt to punish his children and that upset me. Tracy, their daughter, was younger than me. The boys were mean to her, so I kept my distance. Curley didn't seem to mind them being awful to her which was upsetting and strange. If they knocked over a barrel during practice, or missed a beat, he lost his temper and they got whipped.

I stayed so close to Carol I practically shadowed her. When it was time to come in at night, I helped her cook dinner and set the table. I followed her everywhere. Curley was nice to me, but Carol and the children walked on eggshells when he was around. I was relieved when he had to leave for a real estate call or a problem on a job site.

One day I was home and Daddy was off the road. Mama and Daddy told us that Curley was coming with his horse trailer again! I was so excited, I could barely breathe. They reassured me it was not a cow, so I ran out to the driveway watching for his truck that would be pulling the trailer. From our driveway you could see the main road through Casitas Springs. In fact, you could see the entire town from our fence at the driveway. There were two streets that ran through Casitas, but the one Curley would be using was called Nye Road. I didn't wait long before I saw him turn into our driveway. I ran in to tell everyone so we all stood out front watching for him to reach the gate for the pasture.

Daddy walked down to him but I ran as fast as I could, avoiding the cattle guards by stepping carefully to the side. As I reached the truck, I saw a beautiful brown horse back out of the trailer and instantly fell in love. My heart was pounding as I memorized every inch of him, including the diamond marking on his forehead. I held out my hand and talked to him softly. Grinning from ear to ear, I jumped up on Dad to kiss and thank him over and over. He laughed and asked Curley to get the other surprise. Out came the saddle, blanket and bridle with a few other small items, including a brush and a few carrots.

The "Trouble boundary" had been built by now, so I put the bridle on and walked our new horse all over the pasture until almost dark when I got called in for dinner. I was a very dirty and very happy little girl. Mama got a lot of hugs and kisses before I bathed, ate and went to bed feeling like I had touched the moon. I couldn't wait to get up the next morning.

Those night terrors were still haunting me, but they had gotten more vivid and a lot more intense. I prayed every night that I would sleep well, but I never did. Everyone in the house tolerated it, but it was a big issue. My little sisters' bedroom was far enough away that it didn't wake them, but it was waking Rosanne nightly and we were both cranky from it. My parents were upset that it had gotten worse instead of better all this time.

When I was smaller I slept through the nightmares, but now they woke me leaving me in a cold sweat and petrified to move. I remembered every detail now and it was very traumatic and horrifying. It haunted me when I woke up and many days I couldn't get the images out of my head. When I wasn't afraid, I was angry. i didn't understand why I had this problem and no one else did. I was sleep deprived and though I had a good support system, I felt alone in my private Hell.

Surrounding myself with cousins and friends helped temporarily but when bedtime came I had only myself to fight the fear and battle the creatures determined to destroy me. I had never spent the night with a school friend because of it, only Grandma and Grandpa and the Lewis Family. Carol was a sweet woman that loved me, so she never acted like it bothered her. I was petrified that Curley would be mad at me if I caused a sleepless night for everyone, but Carol assured me it would be okay. When I stayed the night with them, she was always right there on the side of the bed like Mama was hugging me and letting me know it was "just a bad dream." She laid down with me every time until I went back to sleep. I'd wake up in the morning apologizing and embarrassed only to have her brush it off like it was nothing. Her only concern was me not getting enough rest and wishing they would stop for my sake.

The final straw happened one of those nights when I stayed over at the Lewis' house. Strangely, it was not a nightmare. It was much more dangerous, adding to the confusion and sleep deprivation. It was another episode of sleepwalking. (The first time had been at my Grandparents the night I was trying to get out the back door.) I can still see this entire "dream" exactly as it happened in my head that night.

It was daytime at the Lewis house, and I was standing in their kitchen wearing my bathing suit. I was alone in the house, but I could hear everyone outside talking and laughing, so I bolted out the back door to join in the party. I passed by the picnic table where my family sat and told them I'd eat in a minute. Everyone was laughing, eating and having a good time. I passed by my Grandparents. All of the children were sitting on a blanket. I didn't see Carol, but I remember assuming she may have gone back to the kitchen for something. Then I climbed the stairs to the pool, and was just about to dive off when I heard Carol frantically yelling, "KATHY, DO NOT DIVE IN! KATHY! WAKE UP!" Everything disappeared and I was standing alone at the top of the stairs with my toes hanging over the edge. It was pitch black outside and all I could see was Carol standing by the pool. I looked down, shocked to see that I was wearing my nightgown and she was wearing her robe. All my family and friends had disappeared and it was dead silent except for Carol begging me to get down. The water looked like a big black hole in the dark and I shuddered at the thought of almost diving in. Carol was crying by now and holding out her hand for me to get down. As I took her hand and rushed down the steps, I fell into her arms completely confused, embarrassed and afraid.

With both arms around me, she walked us back to the house. I slumped into the closest kitchen chair wondering why I was so strange, and I burst into tears. Their house was small so we were whispering. Carol explained to me that she heard the back door open, got out of bed and followed me all the way to the pool, keeping enough distance to avoid startling me. She said I was talking to people on my walk, but when I reached the steps she panicked. Even though I was an excellent swimmer, she wasn't sure how I'd react once I actually hit the water. I was grateful but couldn't believe this entire episode. It may not have been a nightmare, but it terrified me.

I was so upset, I didn't sleep at all so when breakfast was over, I asked Carol to take me home. I needed to feel the comfort and safety of home. I wanted my Mom.

With four little girls, Mom had recently found us a good family doctor and she had enlisted him for help with my night terrors. Dr. Donald Hall was an excellent doctor committed to finding a solution. (Dr. Hall and his family eventually became friends who visited often.) He had been studying my situation and seeking advice from other professionals. When Carol took me home the next day Mama refused to wait a moment longer.

An urgent message was sent to Dr. Hall's office requesting an emergency house call.