We become what we know.

I had another birthday a few weeks ago, so I have finally admitted that I'm middle aged. There. I said it.

I took my time accepting that term but I have never been one for conforming just because it was time.

I'm the same person inside as I always was ; I just happen to own more moisturizer, eye cream, and comfortable shoes.  I have managed to convince myself that IF I AM GRAY HEADED, it must be just a few strands because hair dye has always been a staple in my life.  Okay, I'll admit it, former hair colors were eggplant, black, fushia, and even pink once. I have graduated to the natural colors now. Granted, I have 4 "natural" colors in my hair now, so I guess I AM getting older.

I'm even a certified card carrying AARP member.

Don't laugh. When YOU turn 50,  AARP envelopes will start filling up your mailbox too. (I vividly remember the  gasp that escaped my throat when I received that first "welcome letter".)

"WELCOME - You're now 50!" REALLY?  Yeah, really.

None of my birthdays have ever bothered me,  yet I expected my 54th year would in some capacity.

It hasn't, at least not in a negative manner. Discovering and exploring who I am has been more of an interesting ride and fascinating journey; however, I do despise two things about being older.  The daily aches and pains from every little injury I've ever had are annoying, including some new health issues I inherited along the way.  That problem is nothing, though, compared to the worst pain of all: losing people we dearly love. That leaves a hole in my heart and a lump in my throat that can never be repaired with medication or surgery.

On a positive note, I have noticed certain characteristics, habits and traits from my parents coupled with my own life experiences. It's an interesting ride and a fascinating journey when you realize they have left more of an imprint on you than you thought.

Here are some things I've carried on that I can honestly give credit to mom and dad for....

• I learn something from everyone I cross paths with and have always had friends of every age. I love all types of people.
• I always have an open door for my friends. On the initial visit to my house everyone is waited on.  After the first time, our front door, refrigerator and home is completely open.
• I'm addicted to shoes, coffee, candles, flowers, good movies and laughter.
• I love music, sketching, painting, gardening and creating.
• I talk to everything and everyone, including myself, plants, flowers and all inanimate objects.
• I say what I mean and mean what I say. (Often being forced later, to pull a foot or two from my mouth.)
• I always keep tomato soup in my pantry because it will be there IN CASE I feel bad or get sick.
• I'm apparently - according to some people - a terrible driver.
• I have mom's bone structure and stature with dad's eyes and big feet.
• I try to find humor in something every day because laughing is as vital to me as breathing. The volume of my laugh is from dad, the sound of it is mom.
• I'm clumsy and apparently always have been.
• I'm a hovering mother. I call my children every day to check in and it can be a bit smothering.
• I'm a homebody but I love to travel.
• I wear a lot of black - every day. I always have, always will.
• I'm a good cook, don't know how to cook small amounts , yet I have to be in the mood.
• I'm eclectic. My home, closet and personality is a combination of old and new.
• I find myself using words and phrases both parents used. (Just the other day I actually said, "As poor as a church mouse." WHAT? I've never used that phrase before)
• My attention span is all over the place. (You can guess who that's from.)

My parents have crossed over, but their blood runs through me. Their souls, character, mannerisms and certain traits are always part of who I am.

I carry these things with pride and gratitude until I live my last day and cross over to join them.

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